You Know You're Indian When...

• You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the Airport.
• You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
• Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.
• Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
• You hide everything from your parents.
• Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
• You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
• You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
• You eat onions with everything.
• You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
• You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
• You secure your baggage with a rope.
• You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
• You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of...the royal family.
• Your parent are panicking if you aren't married when you turn 25.
• Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.
• A horoscope must decide your wedding date.
• Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
• You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot" to foreigners.
• Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
• You notice that whenever you go to another Indian's house, your parents always talk about work and business.
• The second you pull out of someone's driveway, your parents start talking...about them.
• Every few months your parents say when they're moving back to India.
• No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
• There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
• You make tea in a saucepan.
• You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
• You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
• You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
• You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
• Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
• You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
• Everyone is a family friend.
• Everyone always called you for help on homework.
• You read law, medicine or engineering at university.
• You were thick so you read computer science or business instead.
• You know no one who has read music.
• Your best friend got married at the age of 16.
• You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
• You like the meat well done.
• You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
• You say you hate Indian films(songs) but secretly watch(hear) them with your parents.
• You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
• You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
• You or your family members always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
• You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
• You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
• Your Dad drives a Nissan.
• You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.
• To your American/English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.
• Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.
• Your parents call all your friends "Beta" whether they are Indian or not.
• You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.
• In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
• At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to "India"
• Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer.
• You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in "India"

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